Ah,… I got the One Man Army achievement. Finally! And it was so easy, too. Which would explain me getting it! Xbox360Achievements.org has a guide to help anyone get those pesky achievements for Grand Theft Auto IV – here’s for the One Man Army:

You have a safe house outside of Middle Park in Algonquin [Playboy X's old home]. Stock up on weapons and ammo (be sure to grab armor), then go to it. You can grab a few big cars for cover, but that’s unnecessary. Shoot a few random civilians to get a cop to appear, then shoot him for 3 stars. A chopper will appear, and you can RPG that down for possibly 4 or 5 stars. Through any means, get 4 or 5 stars, then head inside. Don’t go upstairs, just take cover on the left side (as you enter), at the top of the stairs.

Pick off the cops as they enter the doors to get a 6-star rating. Any method you use to get 6 stars is alright, it’s this part that’s important. Go to the yellow arrow icon to teleport upstairs. You will now be in your loft, and in the search radius, but completely out of reach to the cops. Just hang out for 5 minutes.

I didn’t exactly do that. What I did was: get one star by driving into a cop car, led them on a chase to the safe house and killed them from the stoop, which gave me 3 stars. Then the chopper showed up and I got inside the building. I went to the right where the elevator is (yellow arrow icon), but I didn’t enter it. Now, this was the fun part: shooting whatever came through the front door. I even took out a couple of cars with just my Carbine Rifle. It didn’t take long to get six stars. After I got my lucky six, I headed to the elevator and chilled in the crib, while the cops were trying to figure out how I pulled a David Copperfield on them.

But make sure to stay away from the windows… I had a whirlybird cop take a couple of shots at me. Just crouch behind the kitchen island or stay in the bedroom and you’ll be fine. After the ‘achievement notice’ pops up, save your game by having Niko go to bed. When Niko wakes up, your six stars will be gone.

I saw the above video the other day and it inspired me to try to get the ‘One Man Army’ achievement on Grand Theft Auto IV. By coincidence, I had gone to the same Cluckin’ Bell. I assume you’ve figured out that I failed. Yep. I failed big time. I was about two and a half minutes into it; I called Dwayne to get backup and he said he’ll be right over, or his crew will be right over – then I died. Oh, well.

In order to procure the One Man Army achievement, one must withstand five minutes on a six-star wanted level. This is not for the faint of heart. It’s tough! And you have to be quick with your weapons and with tact (i.e. your head).

Here’s what I learned from that ONE experience:

1. Buy all the ammo your weapons can hold [check]
2. Don’t forget the body armor [yep]
3. Pick a spot indoors [uh-huh]
4. Hide behind a wall or duck behind a counter [alright]
5. Always make sure you have a getaway vehicle nearby [okey-dokey]
6. Win the One Man Army achievement [yeah, right]

The hospital is the perfect place for a 6 star shootout. The entrance door acts as a deterrent for bullets. Plus, if you’re quick, you can score some soda from the soda machines to replenish your health.

I guess it’s time to strap up the old boots and cause some fiscally horrendous damage.